As the old man boss has slipped deeper into Alzheimer’s, his actions have become less humorous and more sad or dangerous. Think fire, attempted strangulation, feeding cats Diet Coke and hamburger rolls… yeah.
Luckily for the internet, his daughter and grandson both work in the office…and holy shit. If these are the future owners, I need to get a new job.
Boss lady (on phone): “Oh, hi. I’m going to be in a little late. While getting my coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts, I realized I was wearing two different boots. I need to run back home and get two of the same color.”
Office boy (looking at a rolodex card): “Uh… I need to call this tenant B-…. Bally? Belly? How do I pronounce this name?”
Me: “Who? Where does this person live?”
Office boy: “Apartment #1.”
Me: “Billie. How is it spelled on that card?”
Office boy: “B-I-L-L-I-E, but it can’t be Billie. She’s a girl.”
Me: “Billie is also a girl’s name. Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson’s lover.”
Office boy: “Oh. I’ve never heard of it as a girl before.”
Me to Office boy: “I need you to write a notice to everyone at the building on Key Street about the laundry room being closed. Do you have everything you need for that?”
Office boy: “Yeah…oh, my keyboard drawer feels weird. Oh look, peanut butter crackers!”
Office boy rips open a package of crackers and munches intensely for a solid two minutes.
Me: “So… you are going to do that notice today, right?”
Office boy: “What notice?”
Proof reading for the Office boy
“There’s no T in the word Congress.”
“There’s an L in Realty.”
“There’s no 4 anywhere in March 10, 2015.”
“Do you know it hasn’t been 2013 for a while?”
“Your name is misspelled at the bottom.”
“‘Tenants’ has an ‘a’ in it.”
“That’s not where the ‘a’ goes.”
Me to Boss Lady: “I was thinking that we should put some of the company cash into savings accounts that have higher interest rates than our current ones do.”
Boss Lady: “Um, ok… (a look of sudden concern comes over her face) – but what happens if the interest rate goes up?”
Me: “We make more money….”
Boss Lady: “Oh, that’s ok then.